


stay alive

by Ashcx



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Fix-It, Gen, Help, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29493000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashcx/pseuds/Ashcx
Summary: Tubbo talks Tommy down from the edge.-If the block men actually took trauma and mental health seriously.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 85





	stay alive

**Author's Note:**

> Literal spur of the moment thing. sorry if it's shite lmao I didn't plan this. is it too much to ask for this to be Canon, I mean, trauma and being suicidal doesn't just go away smh
> 
> TW: mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts, panic attack, swearing
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and pls give kudos and comments, they give me serotonin :)

He finds Tommy perched on the edge of a crater, looking onto the blown up remains of L'manberg.  
Tubbo sighs, approaching slowly, before sitting down next to him, crossing his legs. A silent moment passes before he speaks.

"What are you doing out here, Tommy?" His friend still doesn't look up, doesn't take his gaze away from the bottomless pit of the crater. For a second, Tubbo thinks he hasn't even noticed the extra company, until the blonde softly clears his throat.  
"I'm just thinking." And if it was any other time, Tubbo would've scoffed and made an offhanded comment about how Tommy doesn't think. Except this time, Tubbo takes note of his friend's tense frame and distant eyes, a dark shimmer flicking over them every now and then, and decides against it; after all, it'll only either fall flat or upset Tommy further.

"What about?" Tubbo knows what Tommy's thinking about, he knows him well enough by now, especially after visiting Logstedshire and seeing the tower. He just doesn't want to admit it yet, won't accept the reality of it all.  
Tommy sighs.

"Nothing, it's... I- I don't know. Just go back to bed, I'm sorry if I woke you up." Tubbo frowns, it's still odd and concerning whenever Tommy apologises. He never apologised for anything before his exile.

"I'm not tired, I just thought I'd go for a walk and I found you here. Thought we'd talk." That was only slightly a lie, Tubbo felt Tommy's absence and decided to go find him. Still, he hoped Tommy wouldn't see through it. "So, what are you thinking about?"

Tubbo sits there and watches as his friend seems to debate something, screwing his eyes shut, before opening them and staring at the sky, sucking in a breath.

"Do you ever want the story to end?" Tommy mutters it so quietly and weakly that Tubbo almost misses it. He falters for a second, taken aback by the sudden question, but as he opened his mouth to talk, he's cut off by Tommy turning to look him in the eyes. The desperation and sincerity in the dull blue orbs silence Tubbo's train of thought.

"I mean, Technoblade always compares me to Theseus, right? And he dies in exile. Why... why hasn't that happened to me yet? How- where's my Lycomedes?" Tommy's eyes beg with Tubbo's, watery and strained. His voice wavers as he continues on. "I'm just so tired, Tubbo. I want... I want it to end, my story should be over by now, why isn't it over? I don't even know why I'm here still. I was going to do it, in- in Logstedshire, I was gonna do it. I knew I was the only one giving Dream power, and I was gonna do it, when he- when he blew up all my shit. But, I- I realised he was just a manipulative dickhead, so I thought maybe I could fix it, fix everything again. But now I'm sat here, and I... I don't know anymore. Everything's fixed, Dream's in prison and I'm free, everyone's free, but I'm sat here and I'm wondering how worth it it actually is, you know? And- and I think that maybe Dream was right. I'll fuck something up eventually, I always do. And... and-"

"Tommy..."

"No, and you'll hate me again, and it's just not worth it, it's not worth it. I can't-" Tommy's rambling becomes almost inegible, slowly spiralling further into panic. Tubbo catches a couple of troubling phrases, like ' _Dream'll be mad, he'll hurt me again', 'I deserve it', 'I can't do this anymore'._ Tubbo's heart aches, fear and panic swirling in his chest, threatening to choke him.

"Tommy, listen to me. Look at me." He takes Tommy's face in his hands, forcing the blonde to look at him. His eyes are unfocused and wild, tears spilling over his cheeks, and he sucks in air tightly, shoulders trembling. He lets out a little whine, sounding like a kicked dog which Tubbo frowns at, sadness tugging on his heart.

After a moment of just staring at eachother, Tommy starts to calm down, taking deeper, more even breaths and his hiccuping sobs die down.

"Tommy, listen to me," the boy nods, eyes tracking over Tubbo's face. "You're okay. I know it's hard to keep going, especially after what you've been through. But it is worth it. You won't fuck anything up, okay? I won't let you. People make mistakes, and that's okay. I could never hate you, I never did, and I never will. You know full well how much of a lying prick Dream is," At the man's mention, Tommy flinches a little, fear coating his eyes for a second, before returning back. Tubbo swallows thickly, carrying on.  
" He isn't right. At all. I'm so, so sorry for letting Dream get to you, and I'll never let it happen again. I can't live without you Tommy, I've told you this before. If- if you go, I'm not far behind."

Guilt flashes over the taller boy's face, he looks down.

" Promise me, you won't leave. I promise I'll try to show you how worth it staying is, I'll show you how good life can be. I know it won't go right away, what you're thinking and feeling. But maybe I can make you see that you deserve to live happily." And Tubbo wasn't lying. He knew that Tommy's headspace wasn't going to be instantly better after a little speech. He knew trauma didn't go away just because you're safe now. He knew that, but he was just going to have to be patient and try his best to prove to his best friend how worth it staying alive is. He wanted to give Tommy a chance to be a child, which they'd both missed out on for the longest time. He wasn't going to let their childhood be stolen from them anymore.

Tommy suddenly flings himself at Tubbo, wrapping his arms around the other, pulling him in tightly and burying his face into the brunette's shoulder, sobbing slightly. Tubbo grips him back, just as tightly and laughs wetly into Tommy's hair, sounding more like a sob than a laugh.

A moment passes of them just breathing eachother in, wrapped and tangled within each others arms, before Tommy whispers quietly.  
"Thank you, I'm... I'm gonna stay for you. I'll get better for you, I promise."

At that moment, nothing else mattered to Tubbo, except for watching Tommy in his arms slowly drift off, leaning heavily into his best friend's arms. Safe. Happy.  
Alive. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed, please leave kudos and comments, criticism is welcomed :)


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